Batter Blaster and Why the World is Coming to an End

Just last Monday, while watching daytime television on my "day off" I realized my American cheese habit isn't so bad. While American cheese is called cheese but really isn't - although I can't tell you what it really is and would prefer no to think about it - the fact of the matter is in some forms it still resembles what it is suppoese to be akin to (sliced cheese).

Just because Kraft thought I might prefer not to cut it up myself and individually packaged them for my convenience does not make it resemble cheese any less. However, never have I thought to buy Cheese Whiz, which perhaps makes me a little bit of a snob. I just don't want to squirt my cheese onto crackers. I want it to start in a solid form so that I can - after I have unwrapped several slices, toasted bread and buttered a pan - feel like I actually worked for my gooey grilled cheese sandwich. Where would the satisfaction lie if you just squirted some cheese whiz onto bread and had an instant grilled cheese. This brings me back to last Monday and the revelation that while I unwrap individual packets of american cheese and hastily throw away the wrappers so that my roommates can't count how many slices went into a given sandwich, someone is squirting not cheese but waffle batter onto a hot griddle and instantly, without more than a mere shake of the can, has a perfect waffle 3 minutes later (actual directions as follows...Shake, Point, Blast, Cook). It's called Batter Blaster and if you haven't seen the extended commercial for it please click on the following link for a demo video that has auto replay in case your mind goes too numb to hit play a second time.

http://www.batterblaster.com/

What's next Hambuger Blaster? Ew sorry that's disgusting but okay if they come up with that just remember where you heard it first.

So anyway you can see why I might think the end of the world is near.

Speaking of prophesizing the end of the world I just started reading "Under the Banner of Heaven" and while all of me says read this it will be interesting I am only 3 chapters in and I am already so horrified I just don't know if I need to read the rest of it. Its like trying to take your eyes of off a car crash though and so I will probably finish it or at least try until it hurts too bad and finally I will revert back to some piece of trash novel that makes me want to go shoe shopping and start a family and then I will - instead of having nightmares about incest, teen pregnancy and religious manipulation - dream of making perfect fluffy waffles without even breaking a sweat and that is how I will get my children to love me.

By the way... Batter Blaster is organic. Do what you will with that information.

*This is not endorsed by Batter Blaster, nor is it intended to recommend its use in anyway. In fact, use at your own risk.

Parka in the Park & Other Random Thoughts

Doesn't Molly Ringwald look good on my page? I mean she just kind of works there. After noticing this I briefly considered making her the main image on my page even though she has very little to do with anything I write about - I could insert her here and there more often I think - I realized there was potential for confusion that this was actually a Molly Ringwald fan site, which would probably trick unsuspecting readers into reading about my inconsequential life instead of THE it girl of the 80's (why though why) which while I secretly think that is genius I realize it would be a tad bit manipulative and I won't sink that low. At least not yet. But speaking of Molly I read that Dolores Park's film in the park is playing Pretty in Pink on August 1st and I think, although I cannot imagine why they picked that over Sixteen Candles even though they are essentially the same plot line - Jake Ryan is so much dreamier than Blane McDonnagh and well Sixteen Candles has Michael Anthony Hall which is always +10 bonus points as long as it is prior to 1990 - I might go. You have to give San Francisco credit for doing that kind of shit. I mean film in the park in July and August sounds really picturesque. Except we are in San Francisco. They should rename it Parka in the Park because that is what you need to stay warm after sunset in San Francisco during the summer months. Speaking of warm weather I have departed from my usual blogging at Nook and decided to stay in the House of Hot Mess for several reasons the main being that last time I was there I kept getting the evil eye from the owner because I was taking up valuable real-estate - a table for two and the bench on both sides of me - and all I ordered was a cappuccino. I mean I get it okay, but after 2 hours there they finally made me and some other girl committing a similar offense share a table and then we were just sitting there each on our laptops trying not to accidentally look up at each other and have awkward communal table moments while we were "working."

So about that warm weather, I always feel obligated on the few rare sunny days in SF to get outside at least a little bit, today in lieu of the outdoors I have opened all the windows in our dining nook and am pretending it counts. There are two fatal flaws about pretending to be productive in the apartment a. The refrigerator b. my bed. Case in point in the time it took me to write the above I visited the refrigerator 4 times. And now I am feeling a little tired from my food binge so before I sign off for a much undeserved nap I'll leave you with this one thought. Remember when, not too long ago, I wrote about my secret love for designer fanny packs and casually admitted I have capri length black silk overalls and you judged me. Take a moment and think about your worst fashion faux pas and fuck off.

My Day Off

It's Monday morning and I brushed my teeth at 11am. My "day off" that I have incurred as a result of the current economic downturn - the same economic downturn I thought couldn't touch me with a 10' pole - is Monday. At first I was extremely upset about the day off, among other things it stifles my ability do my job the way I would like and, of course, comes with a 20% pay-cut. But now I am working towards embracing some of the things it allows me to do. And after all I still have a job. 

The perks of having Mondays off include of course brushing my teeth as late in the day as I want. No one else is around to smell my foul breath, and besides I wake up around 10am with no where to go. I have also taken to shaving my legs twice a week (does it alarm you that it was previously once a week, saying it out loud kind of alarms me), I have more time in the shower these days so in addition to shaving I also exfoliate my feet on Mondays which is nice since pedicures were the first thing to go with the pay cut. Also Monday is a great day to do laundry, clean up the apartment and what I am far more likely to do which is watch TV all day - like right now for instance I am watching Sabrina; Pretty in Pink is on next, maybe Molly Ringwald will inspire me to make my own clothes thereby helping me to live on my now smaller budget!- And there it is; the rationale of a someone who is actually sore from being in bed pretty much for the last 24 hours. 

Well Pretty in Pink is calling me as is the american cheese in my refrigerator. Can someone please tell me who thought Molly should be the it girl of the 80's, I don't get it.