Insomnia Part Deux, In which I give the Mosquitos and Other Night Critters a Christmas Feast of my Flesh

Have you been wondering about this "In which" business? In which I do this and In which I do that. I guess you probably have. I just can't help myself you see Jules Verne uses it for each chapter title in Around the World in 80 Days. For example Chapter 18 "In which Phileus Fogg, Passepartout and Fix go each about his business." Jules was pretty hip for 1873 and his chapter titles although generally useless in the sense that they tell you absolutely nothing at all are most definitely my favorite part of the book. Which I have now been shamefully reading for well over a month. Shameful in that I have nothing else to do except read most of the time. Also I have started reading, via actual book and not the Kindle, a book called Faithfull, less steamy romance novel and more about Marianne Faithfull. Yeah I still don't really know who she was but apparently she dated Mick Jagger for a while and slept with all of the Rolling Stones and almost Bob Dylan. What a woman. I think she also had a music career but lets be honest why would she talk about that when she can write an entire novel about her acid tripping days in the 60's and take credit for the revolution that was 60's London. Also she quotes herself as saying "Yeah man" a lot. I guess that comes with the LSD.

Um that is not how I wanted to begin this Christmas Day Eve post but it's 2am here and what can I say these things are on my mind. And guess what else. LK arrived yesterday...Hooray...and literally we arrived at the farm, cracked a bottle of Champagne and entered the pool at which point the biggest rain cloud positioned itself directly over us and about 4 minutes later it was raining. Didn't I tell you this would happen? And now everything is dripping; that sound the leaves make when they are wet. It reminds me of home. And a little bit of winter. Except...today was Christmas day here and after the pool we went to the neighbors house and had a huge water fight, buckets and buckets straight over the head. No one was safe especially not the little kid with the water gun who got his comeuppance let me tell you. And if this doesn't sound like Christmas I can assure you it felt nothing like it. There is a lot I missed about Christmas this year. The crisp cold weather, Mom's well thought out messages written on the newspaper we always wrap our presents in, the kind that read "Travel light, travel far then travel home" a hint at the passport case she gave me that year. Ice skating and Peppermint Schnapps hot chocolate and Dad's cashmere sweaters with the moth holes that I shamelessly sleep in, talk about decadence.

The AC was cranking here earlier, which may have something to do with my current insomniac condition. LK went to sleep at 8pm so there is no doubt she will be up at about 4am. And I probably will to. Did you know Queensland doesn't have daylight savings. The entire continent does just not Queensland. But what's better, it has something to do with the cows not being able to adjust to the time difference or something. If you don't believe me google it. I won't be offended, I didn't believe it either. A good search would be "Daylight savings, Queensland, cows" it also says something about fading curtains which if you ask me is an amazing reason to have sunrise at 4:30am and sunset at 7pm but hell what do I know.

Well that is all really. Sunrise is in 2.5 hours now so I might just try and get what I can out of it. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and may you always have a cashmere sweater to sleep in.

*Not my photo above.

A blog in which I just needed to publish something to take up space so that Jacob isn't the first thing you see on my blog. Because it's awkward...

But then so is this.

I have a girl crush on Petunia Face (click on my blog title for her blog) Everyday I read her blog and think oh my god we should be friends and also how can I be more like her. She's hilarious, pretty, we live/ lived in the same area and she is an excellent writer which I really admire. We really would be perfect for each other.

I wonder if she listens to Taylor Swift furtively with her headphones on scared someone might ask her what she is bobbing her head to only to have to reply "You belong with me" while she dreamily looks off into the distance thinking about her dive instructor. Actually the memory of him is fading I mean really I can't sit around and wait for him to realize we were meant for each other forever I think I am going to move on. And now you are all collectively sighing and saying behind my back - Thank God it's about fucking time - to which I would reply - A girls allowed to dream and torture anyone willing to read my blog -

Thank you for that by the way. I love it when you tell me you read this nonsense. Because sometimes I feel like maybe I am sending my ridiculous and random thoughts out into a big black hole as deep and overloaded with crap as my purse is.

The weather at the farm has been fantastic, really about 74 and breezy. LK is coming out here in two weeks and I just know all the rain they have been waiting for since October will come the 4 days she is here. (I only say this in a reversed psychological way so that maybe it actually won't) Brittany Spears new music video is on TV right now and since I have Taylor Swift on Brit is muted and let me tell you the video looks suspiciously like porn. Shocking. Have you heard of Robbie Williams, British award winning musician. Used to be heavily into drugs but has since found god I guess. Anyway there are few things that I find creepier than clowns and Chucky, this video is one of them.

Enjoy.

Lions, Tigers and Long Lost Cousins, And Also The Most Disturbing Thing I have Heard… Lately Anyway

This last week was pretty amazing for me – I spent it with cousin Tina who I haven’t seen in 18 years and yet you would never know we didn’t know each other. We ate…and ate and ate in what I believe was a successful attempt at making both our father’s jealous – they are brothers and so the same in the ways of food appreciation and well… so much more – Lebanese, Vietnamese, Prawns (pre-peeled courtesy of Shaun) and Salmon so fresh and delicious it is possible – in fact very likely – that I actually dreamt about it last night. Well anyway it was a great week, in which I may or may not have bought 2 pairs of shoes and a hat that looks just like one that I have in a box at the farm, where I am at this moment on my way back to.

And in other more amazing and way less mouth watering news, you can purchase, for this rapidly approaching holiday season, Scent A La Michael Jackson. Let me elaborate, not the cologne he wore but the actual scent of the man and mystery himself. The product was developed using a DNA sample gotten from his hair. Yeah really though. AND yet almost more disturbing he isn’t the first. Elvis and Marilyn also have their scents bottled and sold for what I imagine is a large profit to what kind of people I have no idea. But I am thinking they should probably do a holiday gift box trio. “Elvis, MJ and Marilyn a Scent for Any Occasion.” As soon as Tiger Wood’s funeral is over we can add him to make a quad gift box, because while the occasion “being a scumbag, trying to cover it up and getting caught” is hardly new I don’t think it’s yet covered in the trio. But seriously people there must be more news worthy stuff going on right now. Isn’t there? For example if Kristen Stewart started dating unknown awkwardly white toothed – likely on steroids - Jacob in real life. See that would be news worthy. Speaking of New Moon, it was excellent except Edward/ Robert Pattison looked mildly anorexic which I can’t figure out and don’t find attractive. I am still on team Edward though.

So before this Twighlight talk goes any farther I’ll just update you, I did get to help decorate a Christmas tree albeit wearing shorts and a tank top in 90 degree weather. And it was magical. Christmas is fast approaching and it feels more like spring break than the holiday season but hell it’s not like I had white Christmas's before now. I am heading back to the farm where I expect it will be even hotter than Brisbane and where I will spend Christmas. Stay tuned, if I get to fruit pick you can be sure there will be some serious self-deprecating and if you’re lucky maybe even a photo.

In the meantime, I may boycott writing until Tiger Woods so very predictable predicament stops being headline news, or hell freezes over whichever comes first.

*Above photo Freakishly white teeth and steroids. Cougars simmer down the kid is only 17.