Lions, Tigers and Long Lost Cousins, And Also The Most Disturbing Thing I have Heard… Lately Anyway

This last week was pretty amazing for me – I spent it with cousin Tina who I haven’t seen in 18 years and yet you would never know we didn’t know each other. We ate…and ate and ate in what I believe was a successful attempt at making both our father’s jealous – they are brothers and so the same in the ways of food appreciation and well… so much more – Lebanese, Vietnamese, Prawns (pre-peeled courtesy of Shaun) and Salmon so fresh and delicious it is possible – in fact very likely – that I actually dreamt about it last night. Well anyway it was a great week, in which I may or may not have bought 2 pairs of shoes and a hat that looks just like one that I have in a box at the farm, where I am at this moment on my way back to.

And in other more amazing and way less mouth watering news, you can purchase, for this rapidly approaching holiday season, Scent A La Michael Jackson. Let me elaborate, not the cologne he wore but the actual scent of the man and mystery himself. The product was developed using a DNA sample gotten from his hair. Yeah really though. AND yet almost more disturbing he isn’t the first. Elvis and Marilyn also have their scents bottled and sold for what I imagine is a large profit to what kind of people I have no idea. But I am thinking they should probably do a holiday gift box trio. “Elvis, MJ and Marilyn a Scent for Any Occasion.” As soon as Tiger Wood’s funeral is over we can add him to make a quad gift box, because while the occasion “being a scumbag, trying to cover it up and getting caught” is hardly new I don’t think it’s yet covered in the trio. But seriously people there must be more news worthy stuff going on right now. Isn’t there? For example if Kristen Stewart started dating unknown awkwardly white toothed – likely on steroids - Jacob in real life. See that would be news worthy. Speaking of New Moon, it was excellent except Edward/ Robert Pattison looked mildly anorexic which I can’t figure out and don’t find attractive. I am still on team Edward though.

So before this Twighlight talk goes any farther I’ll just update you, I did get to help decorate a Christmas tree albeit wearing shorts and a tank top in 90 degree weather. And it was magical. Christmas is fast approaching and it feels more like spring break than the holiday season but hell it’s not like I had white Christmas's before now. I am heading back to the farm where I expect it will be even hotter than Brisbane and where I will spend Christmas. Stay tuned, if I get to fruit pick you can be sure there will be some serious self-deprecating and if you’re lucky maybe even a photo.

In the meantime, I may boycott writing until Tiger Woods so very predictable predicament stops being headline news, or hell freezes over whichever comes first.

*Above photo Freakishly white teeth and steroids. Cougars simmer down the kid is only 17.

Insomnia and On Why 3am is a Totally Obvious Time to Turn on the Fire Hydrant Below My Window to Clean the Street

It's 3am and my third to last night in my Nob Hill apartment and I woke up in a panic. At first I thought it was raining and then I thought LM was taking a late night shower and then I realized it was neither and jumped out of bed to confirm that the fire hydrant below my window had burst and call the fire department and save the world with my knowledge - you know a couple of psychologists' did a study in New York about a woman who was killed while 37 people witnessed it but know one called because everyone thought someone else would have already called - I was not going to assume anyone had called. Except actually the fire hydrant had not burst rather a SF City employee had turned it on intentionally I imagine to clean the street or something. So from 3:00 - 3:10 am I got to pretend I lived next to a soothing waterfall which is when I decided the Chinese food in my fridge had probably, with age, gotten better (because it wasn't very good the first night at all).

And late night eating is best done in the dark because then it doesn't count.

I am already feeling a little nostalgic for this place because while these disturbances are irritating once in a while I am going to miss hearing the fog horn and cable car outside my bedroom window. The sound of excited tourists being taken for a ride by the cable car drivers who favor single young women - getting on the cable car in SF is like getting into a club in Vegas if you're cute, and without men they let you on for free even when it is packed - and ring their bell at 11pm all the way up Washington St for no reason at all. Even if I could drown these sounds out by shutting real double pained windows instead of the single paned ones we actually have (that even when shut you can feel a strong gust of wind through) I wouldn't. Silence is glorious but there is something comforting about knowing that the world is going on out there with or without me. If this sounds sentimental that's because A. I am hormonal - which according to Wikipedia, among other things, is responsible for mood swings and food cravings... and B. It is 4am.

It's foggy out there; I know because I can hear the horns blowing. The chinese food wasn't better tonight than it was last night but the waffle I am going to get at Nook tomorrow morning will be delicious.

Good night and good morning all!