Lions, Tigers and Long Lost Cousins, And Also The Most Disturbing Thing I have Heard… Lately Anyway

This last week was pretty amazing for me – I spent it with cousin Tina who I haven’t seen in 18 years and yet you would never know we didn’t know each other. We ate…and ate and ate in what I believe was a successful attempt at making both our father’s jealous – they are brothers and so the same in the ways of food appreciation and well… so much more – Lebanese, Vietnamese, Prawns (pre-peeled courtesy of Shaun) and Salmon so fresh and delicious it is possible – in fact very likely – that I actually dreamt about it last night. Well anyway it was a great week, in which I may or may not have bought 2 pairs of shoes and a hat that looks just like one that I have in a box at the farm, where I am at this moment on my way back to.

And in other more amazing and way less mouth watering news, you can purchase, for this rapidly approaching holiday season, Scent A La Michael Jackson. Let me elaborate, not the cologne he wore but the actual scent of the man and mystery himself. The product was developed using a DNA sample gotten from his hair. Yeah really though. AND yet almost more disturbing he isn’t the first. Elvis and Marilyn also have their scents bottled and sold for what I imagine is a large profit to what kind of people I have no idea. But I am thinking they should probably do a holiday gift box trio. “Elvis, MJ and Marilyn a Scent for Any Occasion.” As soon as Tiger Wood’s funeral is over we can add him to make a quad gift box, because while the occasion “being a scumbag, trying to cover it up and getting caught” is hardly new I don’t think it’s yet covered in the trio. But seriously people there must be more news worthy stuff going on right now. Isn’t there? For example if Kristen Stewart started dating unknown awkwardly white toothed – likely on steroids - Jacob in real life. See that would be news worthy. Speaking of New Moon, it was excellent except Edward/ Robert Pattison looked mildly anorexic which I can’t figure out and don’t find attractive. I am still on team Edward though.

So before this Twighlight talk goes any farther I’ll just update you, I did get to help decorate a Christmas tree albeit wearing shorts and a tank top in 90 degree weather. And it was magical. Christmas is fast approaching and it feels more like spring break than the holiday season but hell it’s not like I had white Christmas's before now. I am heading back to the farm where I expect it will be even hotter than Brisbane and where I will spend Christmas. Stay tuned, if I get to fruit pick you can be sure there will be some serious self-deprecating and if you’re lucky maybe even a photo.

In the meantime, I may boycott writing until Tiger Woods so very predictable predicament stops being headline news, or hell freezes over whichever comes first.

*Above photo Freakishly white teeth and steroids. Cougars simmer down the kid is only 17.

Batter Blaster and The Bartender. You Heard it Here First

Team,

I know you were all wondering how it works - Batter Blaster that is. And since KM purchased some for me and left it daintily on my pillow I have decided since no one else would want to admit trying it to try it myself. I had to purchase a new bottle as Batter Blaster needs to be refrigerated at all times (don't be afraid to take notes as what I am about to tell you may shock you) Batter Blaster is better than sliced bread. I was a little embarrassed to go through the checkout line with it but the cashier likely confused it with whipped cream and didn't even look twice at it.

At this moment my brother is cooking me a breakfast feast and we had already forgotten about the Batter Blaster we bought yesterday when perusing the refrigerator he saw it and exclaimed "Oh let's have Pancakes" and two minutes later there he is simply shaking, and squirting and Voila a perfectly burned pancake. 4 squirts later we have the perfect pancake with no effort. I can't believe I am about to say this but Batter Blaster may be the way of the future instead of the end of the world.

I can see Martha on TV now "Just shake, point, blast and shoot"

Kurt's Verdict - If you want pancakes and you are really lazy this will do the job.

Organic Batter Blaster's patent is pending, do you think that is for any and all squirtable foodstuffs? I will be putting my patent in for cocktail blasters, instant Mojitos and margaritas here we come. We will call it "The Bartender" and put it in a chic black container. Each cocktail will come, as salsa does with Mild, Medium and Hot. They will be, "Underage", "Lightweight" and "In it to Win It".

Let me know how your first Batter Blaster experience goes.

*I claim any and all profits that come from the ideas presented above.