Tank Top Tans, Denim Shorts and the Rat Tail…It’s all becoming too okay

Oh how I miss Polo shirts, khaki shorts and boat shoes. I miss a haircut without the weird long fringe at the back. I got my haircut a couple of days ago by Jade my British roommate and hairdresser who, when it got dark outside had to use a headlamp to cut my hair. Anyway she set up shop and went to town on our entire room. So before leaving for 3 days of camping on the beach with no showers our entire group was well groomed. Fraser Island is the largest sand island in the world. So the drill is they set you up with a big fourwheel drive car (pictured above) and camping gear and off you go to get stuck in sand dunes and go swimming in lakes and get your bag ripped apart by a dingo because you forgot you had a fruit and nut chocolate bar in it – fat kid here - and left it out in the middle of camp. You also get to pay $5 for a small bag of ice, get third degree burns on the bottom of your feet pushing your car out of the sand, also you get to wash your dishes in the sea with sand…actually this is really fun and I would do it all the time if I lived on the beach… and not shower for 3 days. But actually none of that matters because it’s pretty much an amazing time. I got to sleep under the stars and have the beach to myself at sunrise and I met a few nice Brits, Danes, Swedes and Swiss in the process.

The East Coast is almost over with, I’ll be in Brisbane in a couple days. Noosa is nice, I was informed yesterday that I came here when I was 7 but that’s why you never take a 7 year old anywhere. I like Noosa, pretty sure because it reminds me of home and as I missed Thanksgiving with my family, friends and the food, so I am allowed to like it for that reason alone. I know you were wondering and yes I have entirely given up on Eat, Pray, Love maybe when I am finished with Around the World in 80 Days I will give it another go. But the latter is excellent, and not just because David Niven (one of my favorite actors ever, sorry Michael) played Phileaus Fogg in the original movie.

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving, I ate PB&J's for everymeal on Thursday while you were feasting on turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and if you were at a Krikorian Thanksgiving probably some hummus and rice too. So you can be thankful for that!!

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Huge Fish; Hot Mess Goes Diving…Again…

In a secret attempt to have more conversation topics in the unlikely event I were to run into my Gorgeous Dive Instructor a third time and give him a second opportunity to propose to me.

Did you know it is hypothesized that Dr. Suess books having a theological foundation? Me neither. And yet that has nothing to do with anything except I will yet again complain about Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth for the love of God, and all of your readers, why the Hell didn’t you stay in Italy where we could all have gained 20 pounds (15 of which you “needed” to gain) vicariously through you. I will push onward but the Ashram in India just isn’t doing it for me – don’t worry I am sure Julia Roberts will sex up the part and they will manipulate enough of the story…like your self imposed celibacy…to make it a worthwhile film to see. In the meantime Bram Stoker’s Dracula was a masterpiece and while it took me a full month to read (during which time I did have to take breaks) it really is worthwhile. Just don’t expect an outdated Twighlight ladies because Bram wasn’t targeting sexually frustrated women of all ages when he wrote the thing.

Sooo I went diving…again and guess what! despite my apparent motives I think I have the diving bug. Yongala is different from the Prodive boat, see above photo for an example. 30 minutes out to the dive site, it was like being on a speed boat in rough water, thrilling and also a little bit unnerving knowing that for only my tenth dive I had to go backwards out of the boat James Bond style into the swelling waters. Luckily my dive instructor and guide; a red headed, freckle faced, 125 pound look alike of Johnny Depp with a handle bar mustache (believe me he was) did a great job of making me feel comfortable in the water. He took me down to do my 30 metres (90 feet). The slew of nasal sprays and other over the counters I used did the trick so getting to the depth was no problemo.

My roommates at the dive “hostel” - better described as a house with a dive shop in the garage and bunk beds in every room upstairs - were (2) American couples who have dived all over the world and if this dive didn’t inspire me to dive more they certainly did. Did I mention they were in their late 50’s sleeping in bunk-beds (I can assure you they are staying at 5 star accommodations everywhere else) nonetheless they had a pretty good time. This post is getting a little long and boring but anyway I don’t have much to compare the dive to but there was a Grouper the size of a Mini Cooper (Note to mom, they don’t hurt people) a sea snake (apparently poisonous and killer if they get your ear) and turtles galore – possibly my favorite, if cats lower blood pressure I think sea turtles probably do too – these treasures were amidst the thousands of small fish that are swimming around you all the time going on about their life as if you aren’t there. As for the actual shipwreck, you can hardly tell it is one except for the odd shape the coral takes in certain places.

Come to think of it my Dive instructor looks like he could easily have fathered Michael Anthony Hall. I wonder if M.A.H. is capable of growing facial hair though? Hmmmm questionable…I’ll leave you to ponder that and also what I looked like in a wetsuit, snorkel mask and wait for it….a wetsuit hood.

If that doesn’t make you laugh I am at a loss…except for what I wasn’t going to tell you which is that my hood kept getting a big air bubble at the top, approximately the size of a second more oblong head. Yup no one else seemed to have the bubble just me. And even 10 metres down I could hear M.A.H’s dad laughing and pointing at me. What can I say except I don’t think there is any photographic evidence of this. Thank God.

Parka in the Park & Other Random Thoughts

Doesn't Molly Ringwald look good on my page? I mean she just kind of works there. After noticing this I briefly considered making her the main image on my page even though she has very little to do with anything I write about - I could insert her here and there more often I think - I realized there was potential for confusion that this was actually a Molly Ringwald fan site, which would probably trick unsuspecting readers into reading about my inconsequential life instead of THE it girl of the 80's (why though why) which while I secretly think that is genius I realize it would be a tad bit manipulative and I won't sink that low. At least not yet. But speaking of Molly I read that Dolores Park's film in the park is playing Pretty in Pink on August 1st and I think, although I cannot imagine why they picked that over Sixteen Candles even though they are essentially the same plot line - Jake Ryan is so much dreamier than Blane McDonnagh and well Sixteen Candles has Michael Anthony Hall which is always +10 bonus points as long as it is prior to 1990 - I might go. You have to give San Francisco credit for doing that kind of shit. I mean film in the park in July and August sounds really picturesque. Except we are in San Francisco. They should rename it Parka in the Park because that is what you need to stay warm after sunset in San Francisco during the summer months. Speaking of warm weather I have departed from my usual blogging at Nook and decided to stay in the House of Hot Mess for several reasons the main being that last time I was there I kept getting the evil eye from the owner because I was taking up valuable real-estate - a table for two and the bench on both sides of me - and all I ordered was a cappuccino. I mean I get it okay, but after 2 hours there they finally made me and some other girl committing a similar offense share a table and then we were just sitting there each on our laptops trying not to accidentally look up at each other and have awkward communal table moments while we were "working."

So about that warm weather, I always feel obligated on the few rare sunny days in SF to get outside at least a little bit, today in lieu of the outdoors I have opened all the windows in our dining nook and am pretending it counts. There are two fatal flaws about pretending to be productive in the apartment a. The refrigerator b. my bed. Case in point in the time it took me to write the above I visited the refrigerator 4 times. And now I am feeling a little tired from my food binge so before I sign off for a much undeserved nap I'll leave you with this one thought. Remember when, not too long ago, I wrote about my secret love for designer fanny packs and casually admitted I have capri length black silk overalls and you judged me. Take a moment and think about your worst fashion faux pas and fuck off.